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Having been through most stages of motherhood. (mom of three college-aged students, married young, divorced, remarried and became a mom again in my late thirties)
I thought I would spend a few minutes today to give some advice to new moms out there from someone who at 42 who has been through some things in life.
Don’t just take someones word for something or think that just because that is how you were raised or how it’s always been done that way, that it’s the only way.
There’s an old story of a woman who had been making a ham for the holidays every year.
And each time she’d made it she’d cut off each end of the ham before she cooked it.
Year after year.
Her daughter finally asked her “Mom, why do you cut the ends off the ham before you cook it?”
She just shrugged and said, “That’s how Grandma does it, let’s ask her when she gets here.”
Later they asked Grandma who said, “Oh, I’ve always done it like that because that’s how MY mother did it.”
So the older woman turned to her mother, the young girls great-grandmother and asked her the same question.
“Mother, why did you always cut off the ends of the ham before cooking it?”
To which the elder woman replied,
“When I was first married, after the war, we didn’t have very much.
I had one pan to cook everything. Some things like chicken fit perfectly, but other foods like our Christmas ham, were too big, so I had to cut off the ends of the ham so it would fit in the pot”
So you see how it is important to always ask questions, go with your gut and know that just because it’s always been done that way, doesn’t mean that it’s the only way or that it’s even necessary at all.
A Man is Not a Financial Plan
I know someone out there feels trapped.
Maybe a Stay-at-home-Mom with no income of her own or a mom working alongside her husband to make ends meet. Possibly a victim of financial abuse or another form of domestic violence.
She may h ave little to no money of her own and relies solely on her partner for an income.
My warning to you, as someone who has been there, you’re not alone and there’s a way out.
If you’re in danger, seek help, there is always help out there like the Purple Purse foundation (should you need additional resources, feel free to email me and I’ll point you in the right direction with resources near you.
Many of us are fortunate and blessed to be able to stay at home with our kids but I feel that it’s important to note that in a marriage, while honesty and open communication are important, it is always a smart idea to have your own side hustle or be working towards something that will help build that for you.
You never know how life can change in a given moment. Death, illness, divorce, estrangement – it’s smart to always have a back-up plan.
Don’t Screw up Your Credit
I’ve been there!
Back in the late 90s I had a credit score of probably under 500; it affected so much.
I was unable to get an apartment, had a ridiculous interest rate on my vehicle and unable to open a checking account.
This is one of the many reasons why people who are struggling, stay struggling.
My advice is, work toward fixing your credit little by little if it’s less then stellar.
In 1 years time I was able to fix a few things on my credit, get approved for a mortgage and bump my low 600 score up to where it is now, at 740.
It is my goal to help women get a handle on their credit and get back on track so I’ve been working diligently on an e-book to do just that!
Find Your Thing
I mentioned finding your side hustle and I truly meant it!
One of other goals I have is helping other moms find their true passions and figure out how to make money to enhance their lives, help them get out of debt or fund that dream vacation!
Whether you want to learn to be a freelance writer, get involved in Network Marketing, or start a YouTube channel and Turn YouTube into your Career (all things that I do) there are ways you can earn an income in your spare time.
There are a multitude of options available to you, it’s just a matter of tuning in and keeping your eyes open.
It’s not easy, nothing worth having ever is, but once you figure out your motivation and passions, the rest just starts to flow, as does the money!
Find a Mentor
I’ve been fortunate in my life that along the way there have been people that I’ve gone to for career, family and life advice.
It’s only been over the last 5 years though, that I have truly made a conscious effort to work with and trust the advice of my mentors.
I have people that I defer to for advice with things I’m working on in my professional life, in my homeschool and of course for my general wellness, health and fitness.
It is important to align yourself with someone who can offer you no-strings attached advice and guidance.
There is something to be learned at every stage of life and there is always something to be learned from just about every person you meet.
It’s up to you to find someone who lives and talks in a way resonates with you and has your best interests at heart and lock arms with them.
Delegate, Delegate, Delegate
Perfection is not attainable, it’s important to not get caught up in comparing your behind the scenes with that Super Mom’s highlight reel.
SPOILER ALERT: She’s not real.
You’ve seen it; the perfectly staged Instagram shots or Facebook photos of someones ‘perfect’ life.
Remember, most of us only show the ‘good stuff’ and the reality is that what you’re seeing is often just a small part of the story.
I’ve recently started delegating many things in my life that did not bring me joy or were not a priority in my life.
Having food in the house and having a clean and sparkling vehicle are priorities, but I’d much rather pay someone else to do them for me. (You see now why having that extra money is a good thing)
That time for me is better spent working on my income streams or reading to my child.
So, I’ve pretty much stopped going to the store and purchase most things online through companies like Boxed – where you can get $15 just for referring people or save time by buying Groceries on Amazon and having them shipped to you.
Additionally, I order groceries online at Harris Teeter and have them delivered to my door and often have my vehicle detailed right in my driveway by a mobile car-detailing company.
These are just a few easy ways to delegate and make more time for the things that will bring value to my life. Now if you enjoy grocery shopping, which I sometimes do, by all means – there are other ways to make more time, it’s just a matter of figuring out what you can delegate.
Moms who seemingly have it all together, for the most part, there’s a lot that they’re not doing on their own; you don’t see the whole story.
Keep that in mind and learn to delegate where you can.
There’s No Better You Than the You That You Are
It is imperative that you KNOW YOUR WORTH.
You are valuable and you bring so much to the table; you may not even be aware (yet) of how freaking AWESOME you are!
Don’t let anyone ever trivialize your contribution.
Whether it’s within your family or out and about, KNOW and ACT your worth and you’ll be greeted with respect every single time.
My goal is to help women everywhere get and stay on track in all aspects of their lives. To stay up to date on what I’m doing please join The Mom Hustle Lifestyle mailing list!